Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well you can't waste a boner
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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