Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
