You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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