cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
