im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
