The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
