I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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