just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
