I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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