can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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