Can Purell be used as lube?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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