she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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