There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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