he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
