I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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