new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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