You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Did I show you my penis last night?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
