my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
