i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
a search helicopter?!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize