I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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