I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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