It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
