woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
