We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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