And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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