I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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