what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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