what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
