I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
