some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
