She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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