Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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