Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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