Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
