I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
