I wish I could teleport
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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