i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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