I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Help. Why am I so naked?
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