i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
