There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
