Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
