dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
