I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
