He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
