No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
