i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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