Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
