wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
