you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
