If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
