I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
