You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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