Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
