Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
