I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize