And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
