The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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