D3 body, D1 cock
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
