new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize