i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
