he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
