Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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