go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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