Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
